Stress

I'm freakin out and depressed as hell over this no money shit. I'm actually going to have to possible ask my parents for money...which they may not even be able to give me, esp with my sister having a baby on the way.

I hate firebirds and I hate being broke and I hate not being able to pay my bills. I know it could be worse, but it still sucks.

Blah....

Ok so now I am officially FED UP with my job at Firebirds!!! Over the past week I have worked 4 night shifts...used to be that 4 night shifts would equal AT LEAST $350, if not more. I didn't even break $200!!! I cannot pay my bills and I am stressed the f*ck out!!!!!

I went yesterday to some different bars/clubs downtown and threw in some applications.....keep your fingers crossed!

Besides that everything else is the same....I've gotten kind of lazy this week and didn't goto a few classes, my room is a mess again....I need to get myself back in order. BLEH.

School has begun....

...finally! As much as I was dreading the thought of reading, group projects, quizzes,and boring lectures, I can honestly say that I am actually glad to be back on campus!

My classes so far are not too bad. All in all, I think this semester is going to be a breeze as long as I can stay on top of things. I only have a group project in one of my classes and I've already been invited into a group that has girls who are all overachievers (like myself) so that should be good. Getting competent group members is half the battle.

The best part about being back on campus is seeing all my girls! I had dinner last night with Jackie and Amber and today I ran into a bunch of girls either in my classes or on campus.

Another perk is not working as much....seriously. I am only at firebirds Wednesday night, Friday night, double saturday, and then Sunday morning. It gives me a lot more free time to intern and actually (gasp!) study!! Since that IS what school is all about.

Speaking of studying...time to hit the books. :)

So far so good....

So the past few days have been a little better. Saturday was the first day that I didn't completely loathe my job in two weeks, so that's progress. And Saturday night after work Brian and I and some of my coworkers went to a new bar downtown called the Bank. It used to be a bank so its all marble and fancy on the inside with a big ass bar smack in the middle of it. We went drinking and dancing and then went back to Samantha's (my future roommate) place for more good times. Its the first time in I can't remember when that I've been out and I forgot how much fun it was!

I also apparently forgot what it feels like to wake up the next morning ... and I had to work at 10 AM on Sunday. (ouch). After work I managed to lock myself out of my car at 7-11 like a total dumbass....all I can say on that one is thank god for AAA. I then drove up to NOVA to visit the fam.

Jacqueline had her ultrasound done today and the doctors are 70% sure she is having.....a girl!! I am going to have a niece in a few months!! That is exciting and more importantly the baby is healthy. That in itself is a nice start for 2007.

This next week is going to be crazy. I start school a week from tomorrow and I'm trying to get myself together before then. I'm slowly working on my room but it's not getting any better, I at least have my desk clean and tidy now. I've come to the conclusion that I have way to much SHIT....that's all it is, just a bunch of junk! When I move I'm getting rid of stuff as well as my double bed and I'm toying with the idea of downgrading to a twin bed so that I have some more space in my room. We'll see how that goes though.

Another exciting development...Macy's South is coming to VCU next month to interview students for their Summer internship program in Atlanta, GA. This is exciting because 1) My aunt lives in Atlanta so I would have somewhere to stay. 2) The internship is paid $13 an hour so I could actually enjoy my summer this time instead of working like a freakin horse and 3) If I get this, that will mean I will have THREE internships on my resume before I graduate......HELL YEH!! The only downside is that I wouldn't be able to take summer classes and I might have to go an extra semester in school. It sucks but for the extra experience it might actually be worth it.

So yeh....the past few days haven't been a complete disapointment. So far, so good for 2007.

It's a new year....

So one of my goals for the new year is to actually keep up with this thing....I completley suck at it! I have a few other goals, too, including: cutting back on eating out, paying off my credit cards, and getting and staying organized. So far I've been good on the eating out part....I haven't had fast food in over a week! I'm working on the other two....I'm trying to get my room in order for school starts and that is way more of a task than I originally anticipated.

So much has happened in the past few months and my outlook on life has totally changed. The big one that really shook me was when Jess got engaged to her boyfriend. It didn't help my raging jealousy when my coworkers continuously asked me when I was going to "get a ring". I love Jess and John together and I am so happy for them, but it has really made me realize in the past couple of weeks that things around me are changing. Drastically. April is graduated and has a 9-5 job, and now has her boyfriend living with her. Jess and John are busy planning a wedding, honeymoon, buying a house, and basically starting their lives together. My old roommate I have hardly even talked to since she also has a 9-5 and a boyfriend who should be popping the question anytime now. This leaves me......with my boyfriend, who I love, still in school, still moving from apartment to apartment, still wanting to go out and party but I no longer have anyone to do it with. I guess it's just been wierd for me....being younger than my friends never really made any difference until now....when everyone is moving on to a different phase in their life and I'm stuck back here.

Everyone tells me that growing up isn't that great, don't rush it. But I'm starting to get sick of where I am right now. I hate my job. HATE IT. I'm so tired of the way people treat me as a server. The only positive is I've recently started bartending a little bit and that has helped break up the repetitiveness of serving. I'm looking at moving, again, which might turn into a good thing. I will probably be with two of my coworkers in their townhouse...my rent is going to go down about $200 a month and I love these girls. They are still in school, not even close to getting married, still like to party, still like to go out and do things just the girls...so maybe this will be good for me. Also going back to school will help me fill my time with things besides Firebirds and board games. I've really missed my classmates and I hope that I have some of my favorites in my classes this semester.

All of this was bothering me but I couldn't really disect what exactly it was that was making me so....depressed. But now that I've figured it out I'm better able to accept the fact that I still have a while before I have to grow up. I hope that my friends that are moving on will continue to keep in touch and not forget me completley in their busy schedules....but I'm looking forward to my last year as a college student and really living it up.

Yesterday a guest at the bar gave me the best advice that really struck home:

Getting older is a fact of life....growing up is optional.

I'm not quite ready to grow up yet. I'm getting there, but it's just not my time yet.